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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22741378">The One They All Remember</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussoCanadianSpyVan/pseuds/RussoCanadianSpyVan'>RussoCanadianSpyVan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hellsing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Bit of Boomer Talk, Character's Kids, Characters finding fanfic of themselves, Discussion of war, Domestic Fluff, History is told from the perspective most comfortable for the teller, Hurt/Comfort, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Other, Rip is a Boss Lady, Slice of Life, discussion of trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 08:16:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,950</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22741378</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussoCanadianSpyVan/pseuds/RussoCanadianSpyVan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What's not to love about fan-fiction? Well, for one Mrs. van Winkle, the fact that it can make your child ask awkward questions (and not the typical ones like "Where do babies come from?" or "What does fuck mean?"- those are easy). What's not easy are the other questions, the one's about London, about what you did during the war. The one's you've just promised to answer.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Was a drabble that turned into a short story. Enjoy and happy FanficDay!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The woman let out a loud sigh as she closed the door of the house behind her. Setting her dark leather briefcase down on the worn tile floor and taking off her shoes and suit jacket, she then dragged herself over to the living room and collapsed on the couch, listening as it gave a slight creek of protest.</p><p>Humming a tune under her breath, she then took out her phone and began to scroll through her emails (why, to think you can do that now). Immediately, she wished that she hadn’t.</p><p>Idiots breaking their parole, complaints from neighbors, an upcoming meeting with the Hellsing organization. Looking at the last message, she felt a sickly tightness in her chest. While she had long since learned that Victoria was nothing but a sweetheart, the fact that she would have to go into that building, walk through those halls and sit in the rooms where <i>he</i>.</p><p>‘Enough!’ giving her head a quick shake, she turned her attention towards the room. Five things you can hear, four things you can see, three things you can touch… (good, good just like in the sessions). Eventually, when she felt she had finally steadied herself, she sat up on the couch, its rough fabric pressing reassuringly against her lanky body.</p><p>Turning her attention to the aged grandfather clock in one of the corners of the room (a family heirloom on her husband’s side) she saw that it was nearly 6 o’clock.</p><p>Shouting a quick “Scheiße!” she jumped off the couch and began rushing towards the kitchen.</p><p>‘Why, it’s all Klaus’s fault! Hell, how many times do I have to tell that blithering idiot that displaying the flag ‘ironically’ does not suddenly make it OK! And saying your drink of choice is 'The Blood of Jews', why…’ before she could finish her train of thought she suddenly felt her feet trip over something.</p><p>Letting out a loud frustrated hiss, she went with the roll and, back on her feet as quickly as she had been taken off them, looked down at black and white checkered sneakers that were now lying upturned on the carpeted floor.</p><p>"Ava!"</p><p>How many times had she told that girl not to leave her shoes lying about? Staring at the offending articles of clothing, she considered tossing them across the room only to quickly reconsider.</p><p>‘No need to have a repeat of Thanksgiving.’ she thought as her mind flashed back to not only having to explain to the police how she managed to break her mother- in- law’s window with a slipper but also paying for the damages.</p><p>Still, after a day of cleaning up grown men’s messes, the last thing she needed was to have to deal with her teenager’s.</p><p>“Ava, come down here!” she shouted only to get no response.</p><p>“Ava!” she shouted again, still getting nothing but silence.</p><p>Brow twitching with frustration, she turned her hearing to the upstairs of the house. Sure enough, she could here the soft click- clack of a computer keyboard as a certain someone was browsing the Internet.</p><p>Rolling her eyes, she began to make her way upstairs.</p><p>‘Kids these days with their YouTubes and Cheeseburger Kittens! Why, back in my day we had to work for our entertainment! Alright, maybe not if you had rich parents but, darn it!’ she thought as she finally made her way to Ava’s room.</p><p>Located at the far end of the house, it was the one place where, no matter what time of day it was, there was always shade from the Sun.</p><p>“Ava, I know you’re in there.” she said as she knocked on the white wooden door which, as had become typical in the past few years, was closed. “Come on, stop hiding in there like a partisan!” she shouted with a frustrated sigh. While she had made an effort in the last few years to clear some of the more ‘colourful’ phrases from her vocabulary, there still were a couple that had made their way through unscathed.</p><p>Eventually, after a minute of silence she opened the door.</p><p>Sitting at her computer with a bottle of ‘Santi’ beside her was Ava. Finally noticing her mother’s presence, the young girl turned around, the pupils of her deep blue eyes slightly narrowing from surprise.</p><p>“Oh, mom!” she said, quickly shifting her chair so it blocked the woman’s view of the screen.</p><p>“Gott in Himmel Ava! How many times did I tell you not to leave your shoes on the floor also, Santi! I told you that stuff will rot your teeth!” she stated as Ava gave her a slight pout.</p><p>“Oh, come on mom! It says it’s diet.” said Ava before finishing off the fizzy blue drink and expertly tossing the bottle into the garbage.</p><p>“Diet is a meaningless word used by marketers to trick simpletons into buying their over- processed sugar syrup.” replied the woman with a huff as she took note of the two unopened bottles standing beside the computer.</p><p>“Yes, says the person who goes through how many packets of sugar suckers in a day.” said Ava with a slight smirk. “Also, is it true that they used to call you <i>Rip</i> Van Winkle?”</p><p>Suddenly, the young girl watched as the colour drained from her mother’s face.</p><p>“Where’d you here that?” said the woman, her voice strained and raspy (it had been like that ever since that day. Usually, she could hide it but now…).</p><p>“Nowhere? Also, mom, are you OK.” said the girl as she, keenly aware of the tension flowing through her mother’s body, uncrossed her feet and set them down on the ground.</p><p>“I’m fine.” said the woman, trying to ignore the sudden pounding in her chest. “Anyway, what’re you looking at?” she said, eager to change the topic.</p><p>“Nothing.” said Ava, her own heart beginning to race.</p><p>“Oh, come on! Is it embarrassing?” said the woman, a sly smile forming across her face as she took a step towards the computer.</p><p>“Look mom, it’s just some stuff people wrote online.” quickly said Ava as her mother moved passed her.</p><p>“All of which I’ve likely seen before a dozen times, now let’s take a look at what you’re hiding from me.” said the woman as she, wide smile now on her face, focused her eyes on words on the screen.</p><p>Her smile disappeared.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alright, going to get into some tough talk soon. Also (for anyone who notices), yes, I did make Van sound like a boomer.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Mom, mom! You alright?” said Ava. Looking at her mother’s tall slender body, she couldn’t help but feel unnerved at the sudden stillness that had overtaken it.</p><p>Taking in a deep breath, the young girl got to her feet. While walking without a support, even after all these years, was still difficult, she could manage these few steps.</p><p>Reaching out her frail, pale hand she placed it on her mother’s shoulder, only to have it suddenly jolt back. </p><p>Looking up she saw that her mother’s eyes were unnaturally bright and slited as her mouth, for the briefest second, opened to bare a row of knife- like teeth.</p><p>“Mom.” said a wide- eyed Ava as she took a step back, clearly aware that something was wrong.</p><p>Her mother, suddenly back to normal, quickly rushed over to Ava’s side.</p><p>“Oh, schatzi I’m so sorry I scared you.” said the woman as she held Ava in a tight embrace.</p><p>“That’s OK mom.” said Ava, trying to ignore the fact that her own ‘fangs’ had come out in fear.</p><p>“Still.” said the woman as she ran a hand through Ava’s thick black locks.</p><p>“Look, no one died.” said Ava with a friendly smile on her face.</p><p>“I suppose so.” said the woman as she unwrapped her arms from around Ava and, composure now returned to her body, took a seat on Ava’s bed as Ava herself returned to her chair. </p><p>“Anyway, Ava could you please tell me what, in the name of all the sonne shines on, is that?” she said while pointing a slender, scarred finger at the computer screen.</p><p>“Oh, that’s fanfiction.” said Ava, one hand nervously picking at the worn black leather below her.</p><p>“For what?” said her mother as Ava took in a deep breath.</p><p>“Blood Eagle.” said Ava as she watched a hint of rage glint in her mother’s eyes.</p><p>“Figures! Why, those hacks don’t know the first thing about what happened on the Adler! And to think someone liked their cinematic tripe enough to write pornography about it.” said the woman, the anger clear in her voice.</p><p>“I don’t know, I think it’s pretty cool.” nervously said Ava, her eyes downcast and focused on the grey carpeted floor.</p><p>“Ava.” said the woman, her dark blue eyes wide with surprise.</p><p>“I mean sure, you may hate Blood Eagle but at least it’s trying to talk about the Adler and, as for the fanfic, while yes, there’s a lot of porn out there, there’s also some good stuff.” said Ava, a sudden conviction now in her voice, despite her timid appearance.</p><p>“Yes, but what it’s saying is… Look, it’s not how it happened!” argued the woman, the anger in her voice subsided but still present.</p><p>“Then how did it happen?” said Ava as she raised her head.</p><p>“Ava, we’ve been through this before.” said the woman, her fingers tapping in frustration on the thick comforter.</p><p>“Look, I know it wasn’t all sunshine and puffy wuffy clouds. You don’t have to tell me everything, just something more than ‘the Major got captured and we all surrendered’!” stated Ava, her eyes now fixed on her mother’s.</p><p>“Ava, as I said before- go to your teachers.” said the woman as she continued to tap the fingers of her hand.</p><p>“I did and they won’t tell me anything either. Heck, if wasn’t for all that ‘cinematic tripe and pornography,’ I wouldn’t even know what the Adler was in the first place!” shouted Ava as her mother rose to her feet.</p><p>“But it’s wrong.” said her mother, her eyes hard.</p><p>“They don’t know that! I don’t know that! Hell, the only people who do know refuse to say shit!” continued to shout Ava as she felt her mother put a firm hand on her shoulder.</p><p>“Ava, it’s not that simple. There’re a lot of things that you are just too young to understand.” said the woman, a strange emptiness in her voice.</p><p>“Then make me. Please, I just want to know.” said Ava, the last part weak and trembling. Blinking her eyes, she found that they were beginning to fill with tears that, slowly but surely, were beginning to form thick, slightly pink, rivers down her pale cheeks.</p><p>“Ava, some of the stuff we did… they’ll think we’re beasts.” said the woman as she, sinking to her knees, was now face to face with the young girl.</p><p>“They already do.” said Ava, her eyes downcast. “The kids at school, they say you, Johan, everyone at the Center. They say that you are war criminal, that you rape women and eat kids.”</p><p>“Schatzi, schatzi.” repeated the woman as she ran a hand through the girl’s hair.</p><p>“I don’t care if it turns out to be true, you know, I just…” began Ava, before falling silent. Reaching out her arms, she wrapped them around her mother’s neck and buried her face in her hair.</p><p>Long and black, it, even after all these years, still had the burnt smell of gunpowder.</p><p>“You want me to give you the truth and these movies, this fanfiction, it might as well be it until I do.” said the woman with a sigh.</p><p>“That’s about right.” said the girl as she gave her mother a friendly nuzzle, only to quickly pull away when she realized how much liquidly mucus had flowed out of her nose.</p><p>“Getting snot in my hair, are you.” said the woman with a smile as she helped her daughter grab a box of handkerchiefs from the computer desk.</p><p>“Yah, sorry if I’m really gross right now.” said Ava with an apologetic smile before loudly blowing her nose.</p><p>“Don’t be. Why, I can’ tell you how often I got snot, amongst other things, on your father.” said the woman with a smile.</p><p>“Yah, is it true you tried to eat him?” said Ava, still a bit snotty but otherwise alright.</p><p>“Yes, but in my defense, I was on so much medication that everyone in that hospital looked like the bastard that put me there in the first place.” said the woman in a knowing voice.</p><p>“He’s dead right?” said Ava, a slight chill flowing through her body.</p><p>“If he wasn’t, I’d be the first to know about it.” said the woman as she gave her daughter’s hair a faint ruffle. “Anyway, we’ve got to get dinner started soon, so why don’t you head to the kitchen and we’ll continue our conversation there.” she added, aware of just how late it was getting.</p><p>“Will do.” said Ava as she grabbed her crutches from the floor and, with a surprising amount of speed and agility, exited out of the room.</p><p>‘Why, she’s really gotten stronger in these last couple of years, especially since the episodes stopped.’ thought the woman as she, back on her feet, also began to head out of the room. However, just as she reached the edge of the doorway she stopped.</p><p>Turning her attention back to the computer, she walked over and resumed her reading. While she had been right that most of what was written was just pornography (and about her ‘death’ at that), there were a couple texts that went against the grain. </p><p>Life with Millennium, children, a relationship with the Captain (not unless she suddenly developed a taste for the strong, silent, and unblinking type), Schrodinger (only in his dreams) or even Zorin (only if she suddenly wanted to die early). Texts that, while clearly fictional, still somehow made her feel the familiar pang of remembrance. </p><p>“Ai mom, you still alive up there.? she suddenly heard Ava shout from downstairs.</p><p>Mind snapping back to the present, she made a mental note to, time permitting, return to her reading before rushing down to meet her daughter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alright, where the heavy talk actually starts (note: please take this as a warning if you're sensitive to talks of trauma, etc.).  Also, for those who are interested, yes, you can make tapioca crepes by pretty much just putting flour in a hot pan (apparently they are pretty good).</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, what was going on up there.” as she set a bag of tapioca flour on the aged granite counter, it’s surface still smelling faintly of lemony cleaner. </p><p>“Just some reading.” said the woman as she began rolling up the sleeves of her light blue shirt, making a mental note to later iron out the wrinkles.</p><p>“Really, find anything you like?” said Ava with a sly smile as she, having take out all the bowls and other kitchen implements before hand, began dolling the flour out into portions.</p><p>“Maybe.” said the woman with a slight growl as she quickly walked past her daughter and began fiddling with the rough black knobs of the stove top.</p><p>“So, about the thing I asked you earlier?” said Ava as her mother stiffened slightly. “About what they used to call you?”</p><p>“Oh, that! Yes, they really did used to call me Rip Van Winkle.” said the woman, holding in a sigh of relief. </p><p>“Yes, because nothing strikes fear into people’s hearts quite like the image of an old Dutch guy with narcolepsy.” said Ava with a sly smile as she handed her mother a set of large dark skillets from under the sink.</p><p>“Hey, I’ll have you know young lady that it was the height of nicknames at the time! Why, me and the ‘Three Musketeers’ spent hours figuring it out.” said the woman as Ava let out a quite grown.</p><p>“And who, dare I ask, were the ‘Three Musketeers’?” asked Ava as she handed her mother the portioned flour.</p><p>“Vincent, Levi, and Sigmund. Before the battle of London, we all worked in the same section together. We also used to have Fredrich but he, for reasons I still don’t understand, went to work with Gertrude and her platoon.” said the woman with a frustrated sigh.</p><p>“And what was wrong with Gertrude, outside of her name making her sound like some sort of pissed off librarian.” said Ava, trying to suppress a small bit of laughter.</p><p>“Well, for starters she, like the 12-year-old boy she secretly was, wouldn’t stop calling me “teacup tits” and telling me I “needed to get laid.” Then, there was the mood swings and the fact that she had no concept of what the phrase “obey lawful authority” meant. Finally, to top it all off, if you so much as looked at her wrong she would try to pull some mind hoodoo- voodoo on you and make you see things that, to put it mildly, would make you want to extract your frontal lobes with a rusty spoon.” replied the woman as Ava’s eyes suddenly grow wide.</p><p>“Wait, was <i>Gertrude</i> Zorin Blitz.” said Ava as she watched her mother nod her head with a sigh.</p><p>“Well, do you think anyone would actually name their kids Tubalcain Alhambra or Schrodinger?” said the woman as Ava gave her a sly smile. “Look, young lady, not even I’m that cruel.”</p><p>“If you say so?” said Ava with a shrug. “So, was it all like a secret identity thing?”</p><p>“Well, yes. After all, with Iscariot and Hellsing running about you really couldn’t use your real names, especially the guys that had families.” said the woman as she dropped a fat dollop of butter in the pan and let it begin heating slowly on the stove.</p><p>“You guys had families!” exclaimed Ava, watching her mother put more butter in the pan with a sigh.</p><p>“Of course! Despite what the movies will tell you, we had more to our lives than just firing guns and shaking our fists at <i>das British</i>. Heck, even the Major himself got married to a girl, real sweet thing too. Why, every Christmas she would bring us treats. Cookies for the civilian staff, melted sugar and spiced drink for the most of us, and blood for the guys and gals who were new and still had the ol’ vômito.” said the woman with a wide smile.</p><p>“Ol’ vômito?” said Ava with a confused look on her face.</p><p>“That’s what we called the first week or so after the treatment when you can’t stomach anything but blood and nutrient sludge. Most people get out of it pretty fast, though I know one unlucky bloke who had it for as long as three months.” replied the woman with a slight shudder.</p><p>“Yah, how long did it last for you?” said Ava as she helped her mother poured the flour into the now hot and sizzling skillet.</p><p>“Hard to say, I remember some nausea and vomiting for a few weeks but, looking back, I can’t say if it was from the treatment, the concussion, or the antibiotics.” she said with a sigh.</p><p>“Was that from the first time you met him.” said Ava, carefully saying the last part.</p><p>“Yes, and I thought it would be the last.” as the woman finished saying these words a strange silence fell over the room and, for a minute that felt like an eternity, mother and daughter focused their attention on the empty house, feeling a sense of relief when their senses told them that, at least this time, they were alone. </p><p>“So, what did you and the others do before London?” quickly asked Ava, hoping to break the tension that had filled the air like a sinister fog.</p><p>“Well, I was working in Militärisches Nachrichtenwesen analyzing information, handling the paperwork, and generally making sure that the whole Battalion didn’t burst into flames from all the concentrated stupid. Al, that’s the one you know as Alhambra, was making sure the local government didn’t chase us out of town and, overall, was our main “PR fairy”. Luke was dealing with narcos and trying to keep his brother from getting high for the 50th time that day. Johannes aka Schrodinger was pretending to be useful. Finally, Zorin and her goulies well, let’s just say that not all the stereotypes are false.” said the woman with a slight role of her eyes and quite grown.</p><p>“Sounds like quite the crew, also I thought you were a sniper.” said Ava as her mother let out a small laugh.</p><p>“Oh, Gott in Himmel no! I was a sharpshooter, yes, but never a sniper.” replied the woman as Ava gave her a confused look. “If you’re wondering, yes, both shoot things from far away but one does it while lying in the mud and pretending to be a shrub. Plus, my vision pretty much meant that the only rifle I ever got to touch was my great- great grandfather’s and then only because I convinced them I needed something to defend myself with.” added the woman, the last sentences filled with frustration.</p><p>“They really didn’t give you anything else?” said Ava, the tension once again returning to the room.</p><p>“Not even a side- arm. Granted, by then I thought I wouldn’t need anything else. After all, the channeling lines would take too long to carve and, even if what I already had did take a while to load, the fact that I could just guide…” said the woman, a distant look filling her eyes.</p><p>“Yah, when you were on the Adler…” said Ava before going silent.</p><p>“Well, I guess there was no way of getting around that elephant in the room.” said the woman as Ava uttered an apologetic “Sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be. I promised to tell you the truth, didn’t I?” said the woman as she put some more flour in the pan, trying look unbothered despite the stiffness slowly taking over her mouth and body.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I want to start by saying I don’t know how I survived and maybe, in another world, I didn’t.” said the woman as she moved the flour, now formed together in a pale bumpy crepe, onto a nearby plate. </p><p>“Well, I’m glad you’re here now.” said Ava as she put a hand on her mother’s thin shoulder.</p><p>“So am I.” said the woman as she took Ava’s hand into hers and, with a melancholy smile, directed her to begin cooking on the other skillet. “More hands make light work.” she said as Ava gave her a firm nod. </p><p>“So, how do you want to do this?” said Ava, an uneasy look in her eyes.</p><p>“I’m assuming you mean talking about the Adler and not making crepes. Well, first tell me what you already know and we can start from there.” said the woman, trying her best to keep a light mood.</p><p>“Well, I know it involved Millennium taking over a British aircraft carrier and that Hellsing got involved after the royal air force and navy couldn’t deal with it. I also know you were there.” said Ava her body tense and eyes downcast.</p><p>“That’s it?” said the woman, knowing from experience when Ava was holding back her words.</p><p>“Alright, there was also the death of the crew and…well…did you draw a blood swastika?” said Ava as the woman took in a deep breath and closed her eyes in contemplation. </p><p>“Yes.” she said, her eyes now open and filled with a weary tension.</p><p>“Why?” said Ava, eyes intently focused on her mother.</p><p>“Because it seemed like a good idea.” said the woman as she took in another deep breath. “Schatzi, what you got to understand is that, at the time, when we thought of Britain, we didn’t think of home or men like you father. We thought of death, of not even having the bodies of our men to bury, of shadows in the dark and blood on floors. Now, don’t let any fucker tell you that it makes any of what happened after right, but just remember.” said the woman, her last words soft and melancholy.</p><p>“I will.” said Ava, her voice shaky but determined. “So, that night, when it happened...” she before going silent.</p><p>“Ahh yes, the favourite part. The one everyone remembers.” said the woman, a smile on her face despite the sadness in her eyes. “They were right that I spent most of that night screaming and weeping like a schoolgirl. They were also right that I only got one, maybe two shots if you count the one to the aircraft, off before well, how could anyone forget the rifle. Do you want to know what it felt like?” said the woman to wide- eyed Ava.</p><p>“I mean it clearly hurt.” replied the girl, her mind drifting back to the time when, out of pure chance, she had walked in on her mother coming out of the shower. How she had watched the woman quickly hide behind the opaque purple curtain, unaware that Ava had already seen the lumpy flesh and faint scar that now stood in the place of her breast.  </p><p>“It sure did. You know, young lady, no joke, but you have more sense than some of the adults that I’ve met who think it was just a mild annoyance, that, or the directors who think I got off on it.” said the woman as she lightly ruffled the girl’s hair.</p><p>“Thanks and yah, their definitely are some exceptionally stupid stuff floating around out there. I mean, take that scene in ‘Blood Eagle’ where ‘you’ just freeze up for no reason and stand around like your batteries died or something. I mean seriously, no one would do that, especially if some asshole was come to eat them.” said Ava with a small laugh.</p><p>“That actually happened.” said the woman in a voice as stiff as her body.</p><p>“Oh, but..” Ava began, an expression of horror now on her pale face.</p><p>“Why? I wish I knew myself.” said the woman as she turned her attention back to the sizzling skillet. “It’s not like I’ve never felt scared before but, in that moment…well, it was the strangest thing. Hell, your heart is pounding in your chest, everything is moving and shaking, your lungs are burning from all the heat and crap in the air and..and you feel like you’re going to vomit everywhere but…” stated the woman, her voice picking up speed with each phrase.</p><p>“But you stay there.” said Ava, not knowing whether to move back or not as she watched the slits begin to form in her mother’s pupils.</p><p>“Like a useless lump. And all that time you’re just screaming and begging on the inside, wondering what the fuck is going on and why can’t you do anything, you stupid useless idiot! God, all that time, he’s getting closer, telling me that …” said the woman before turning and suddenly slamming her hands on the granite counter.</p><p>“Mom!” exclaimed Ava as she could do nothing but watch the woman slowly turn her head towards her, the pupils in her eyes so thin they looked practically invisible.</p><p>“I just need a moment.” hissed the woman in a low voice.</p><p>“But mom.” said Ava as, broken out of her stupor, she reached a nervous hand towards her.</p><p>“I said I just need a moment!” shouted the woman, this time flashing a set of cruel and sharp teeth.</p><p>Not saying a word, Ava quickly turned her attention back to the stove.</p><p>Heart still pounding in her chest, she tuned her senses and listened to the slow, raspy breathing behind her.</p><p>Punctuated every once in a while by a strange strangled pause, she debated turning around before suddenly feeling something begin to slide through her hair.</p><p>Body stiffening like a board, she then heard as her mother begin to hum something behind her.</p><p>Realizing she was likely playing with her hair, Ava continued to keep her attention on the stove. While she wanted to say something (heck, even scream it), she found her tongue kept in place by some unknown force.</p><p>“I’m sorry about that Schatzi.” said the woman, her words finally breaking the silence that had built up around her and Ava.</p><p>“Yah.” said Ava, not sure how to respond.</p><p>“I see you managed to keep them from burning.” said the woman as she inspected the done crepes that sat in the two skillets.</p><p>“Least, I could do.” said Ava with an uneasy shrug. “I guess you’re done talking for tonight.” she said as she helped her mother transfer the food to a nearby plate.</p><p>“About the Adler, yes.” she said as she poured the last of the flour into one of the skillets. </p><p>“I figured.” said Ava as she moved the unused skillet to one of the far burners of the stove to start cooling, her hand shaking a little as she did so.</p><p>“So, how was school?” said the woman as Ava let out a small sigh.</p><p>“Okay.” replied the young girl with a shrug.</p><p>“Really, just okay?” said the woman with a small smile.</p><p>“Well, we had a test in math today, which I think I did good on, and we learned about the digestive system in biology. Also, Mrs. Kimberly wants me to try out for the choir, but I said no.” replied Ava, her heart beat now back to its typical slow dull thud.</p><p>“How come?” said the woman as Ava shrugged her shoulders.</p><p>“Cause I ain’t that good.” she said as the woman let out a small tsk.</p><p>“Ava, it’s a high school choir, no one there is the kind of that good that you’re thinking about. Also, you have a lovely voice.” she said with a smile.</p><p>“You’re just saying that because you’re my mom.” said Ava with a role of her eyes.</p><p>“No, it’s because I think you’ve got talent and it’d be a shame if you never used it.” said the woman with a sigh.</p><p>“I don’t think not singing in high school choir counts as never. Plus, I’ll always have time later.” said Ava with another roll of her eyes.</p><p>“You say that but when I was your age…” began the woman before being cut off by the sound of an opening door.</p><p>Turning their heads, the two of them watched as a young girl raced into the room followed by a lanky man in military fatigues, his eyes bright and happy despite the dark circles underneath them.</p><p>“Sasha!” exclaimed the woman as she rushed over to the man and embraced him in a tight hug.</p><p>“Slava, breath!” he croaked, a pained smiled on his face.</p><p>“Right.” she said as she quickly unwrapped her arms from his body. “You know, I forget how fragile you can be sometimes.” she said as she playfully ran a hand through his pale blond hair only to find his fingers gently, but firmly wrap themselves around her wrist.</p><p>“I’m not that fragile.” he whispered in a voice that made a pleasant shiver run through her body.</p><p>“We’ll see about that.” she replied, making a mental note to make sure the younger of the kids got to bed early tonight. </p><p>Meanwhile, the little girl, blond hair still slightly wet and smelling of chlorine, turned her attention towards Ava. </p><p>“Horsey!” she screamed as she ran over and tried to wrap her arms around one of the older girl’s legs.  </p><p>“No, you don’t you little pipsqueak!” Ava shouted as she frantically tried to move out of the way, only for the over- exited six-year-old to quickly latch on like a limpet to a rock. “Mom!” she shouted as the little creature began trying to sink its fangs (just newly developed) into the dark fabric of her jeans.</p><p>“Loretta, stop trying to eat your sister!” said the woman as she, with almost unnatural speed, managed to separate the two girls.</p><p>“But I’m a wolf and she’s the horsey!” said the young girl as Ava gave her a death glare.</p><p>“No, you’re a little girl and she’s a teenager who doesn’t like to be bit.” said the woman as she turned to look in the direction of her husband who, despite having been in the kitchen just a movement before, had suddenly vanished from sight.</p><p>“Figures.” she muttered under her breath as she saw Loretta, somehow free from her grasp, once again latch onto Ava’s legs.</p><p>Just another night at the van Winkle household.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p><i>Aww</i>, what a happy family.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Alright, last chapter. If you made it this far, congratulations, and hope you like.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The phone cast the woman’s face in a soft blue glow as she scrolled through its contents. Turning her head, she could see the dark outline of her husband as he slept soundly in his bed. While he always wanted to sleep together, she couldn’t risk it, especially if she happened to have a nightmare (rare now but still a possibility).</p><p>‘If only he’d get the treatment.’ she thought as she let out a small sigh. Even if he was right about not being fragile, there were just some differences you couldn’t ignore, especially when it came to the two of them.</p><p>Turning her attention back to her phone, she couldn’t help but feel a smile break out across her face as she read the line- <i>I am pleased to say sir that I, your beloved Lieutenant, am a suppository of useful information</i>. Say what you want about fanficers, she thought, but those wily bastards definitely have a way with words (if sometimes unintentionally). Granted, she could do without them covering certain topics (why the movies and books were trouble enough). Heck, to think what they would get Ava to ask next?</p><p>Ava.</p><p>She, as per usual, had rushed to her room after dinner, crutches banking loudly on the stairs. Right now, she was no doubt on her computer, headphones plugged in and music (always some strange mix of techno and classic) turned on so loud that an entire Panzer division could have rolled through her room without her so much as lifting an eyebrow.    </p><p>She debated going down and telling her to get the hell to bed before deciding against it. Let her have her fun for another hour, she thought, especially after what happened in the kitchen.</p><p>In the kitchen.</p><p>While this wasn’t the first time she had described what happened on the Adler, the fact that she had lost control and let her tongue run…well, promise or no promise, there were just some things that Ava was not meant to know.</p><p>The blood swastika, the rifle, heck, even that he drained her blood were things that she could talk about, that she could explain. But what happened after, that she would take to her grave. Not even would, had to if they were to have any peace.</p><p>Eyes now fixed on the dark ceiling, she found herself drifting back to that moment and how everything- the pain in her chest, the stink of burning oil and flesh, had faded away. How she, body and mind, had sunk into a warm liquid darkness. How she had felt him there with her.</p><p>
  <i>Just let me in and you’ll never be alone again.</i>
</p><p>Letting out a low moan followed by a grimace of disgust, she dug her nails deep into the pale palms of her hands. Now fully wretched back to the present, she (perhaps out of some unconscious desire) turned her attention to the tiny picture on her bedside stand. </p><p>Framed in simple wood it showed Ava, just days after she was born. Taking the picture in her hands, she carefully ran a finger over its cold glass surface.</p><p>I’ll give the bastard this, she thought as she put the picture back in its original place, he was right. Thanks to him, she was never alone, even when she didn’t know it.</p><p>Picking up her phone again, she began to scroll through its contents. </p><p>Yes, she thought, let her ‘death’ be the big scene, the one they all remember, but after? Well, that would be a secret. A secret that only blood would tell.</p>
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